A confession on UCSB and “I Deserve” culture.
This has been bothering me since yesterday morning and I have no other place put this where I know people will see it without writing it off as just another tweet. I also recognize that I am more than likely preaching to the choir here.
I really hope the USCB incident opened some eyes as to how misogyny affects all of us. This is going to be written off as some “mentally unstable” person shooting up a place but females deal with that sort of attitude everyday and I see it on Facebook at least once a week.
“My hair color isn’t an excuse to leer at me”
“I had to tell this dude I was taken so he’d leave me alone”
“We don’t love these hoes…”
Not to mention the friends I know who have been sexually assaulted or harassed and have to live with the specter of fear that is daily life.
Those are real statuses in my TL from people I know. People you probably know and didnt even think twice when you read it. This isn’t a new thing but a culture of expectation that’s been created over time. We (we being men) have to do something about it. Stop acting as if something’s owed to us because we’ve gotten an idea in our heads that every women is just an object for our sexual conquest.
It’s hard. I’ve been there. As hard as it is (and could easily be used to shoot down my argument), I’ve been there. But when you turn around and look at your friends being harassed or not being able to walk the streets at night for fear of harm…it sorta clicks.
I was part of the problem. Maybe not directly to the people i know. But for every time time I complained about being friend-zoned by someone I liked or dropping the friendships of woman I genuinely respected because I wasn’t getting what I wanted out off them…I was part of the problem
It took a lot of introspection and a long time to undo some of those motives. Some days, I worry that I don’t do enough to call out casual sexism. It’s a battle against a culture and upbringing that’s designed to belittle women. When you finally see the personal damage that it does, you (hopefully) turn around.
I just hope more and more men can have the wake-up call I’ve had. The world would be a lot better for it.