(The following was written on my Nexus, so excuse the grammar and flow)
I lie in bed to end your night and hope sleep finds me quickly. Its rarely that way for me. Sure, some days do find me worried about the day that was and how to make peace before I go to sleep but somehow, my mind always seems to unfurl itself the second I lie down.
From the mundane observation (the binds aren’t aligned the same way) to a profound realization (We all exist in a world where our truth is the most important truth and there are as many truths as they are people and they can’t possibly be all right…so why does mine matter.) Seem to congregate at the crossroad of peace and quiet.
One by one, they seem to smash together.
The remembered scent of someone, something. Touches, memories, longing for things you know you’ve lost and things you can’t define. Lusts that you’ve withheld from the constant churning of your minds eye and your heart’s folly become front and center st the most inopportune of times.
The gnawing, inescapable thoughts in your head you’ve fought off during the day gather for one last assault that lead you down infinite possibilities and so many hypothetical what ifs that it leaves you paralyzed mentally and some arduous, soul-breaking night…utterly defeated in love, faith, humanity, and worst of all yourself.
But even with my fears, my lusts, my loves, my inadequacies, my self-believed greatness, delusions, my small yet unshakeable confidence in myself…I find myself coming to the same conclusion
all these things of mine, whether broken or whole, real or imagined, make up me. I am the sum of all of these demons and angels in physical form. I give these things the light of day whether they deserve them or not because its in that semi-dream state that I know I’m not just going through the motions. That I am alive and on full uncensored display… If for no one but myself.
By giving each of thoughts time to breath, Its the only way I ensure to myself that I didn’t leave anything unsaid.