Artistic Anarchy

When I grow up, I'll go down the river to the Singing Sea

Month: April, 2013

[SoC] Goodnight

by johndsykes86

(The following was written on my Nexus, so excuse the grammar and flow)

I lie in bed to end your night and hope sleep finds me quickly. Its rarely that way for me.  Sure, some days do find me worried about the day that was and how to make peace before I go to sleep but somehow, my mind always seems to unfurl itself the second I lie down.

From the mundane observation (the binds aren’t aligned the same way) to a profound realization (We all exist in a world where our truth is the most important truth and there are as many truths as they are people and they can’t possibly be all right…so why does mine matter.) Seem to congregate at the crossroad of peace and quiet.

One by one, they seem to smash together.

The remembered scent of someone, something. Touches, memories, longing for things you know you’ve lost and things you can’t define. Lusts that you’ve withheld from the constant churning of your minds eye and your heart’s folly become front and center st the most inopportune of times.

The gnawing, inescapable thoughts in your head you’ve fought off during the day gather for one last assault that lead you down infinite possibilities and so many hypothetical what ifs that it leaves you paralyzed mentally and some arduous, soul-breaking night…utterly defeated in love, faith, humanity, and worst of all yourself.

But even with my fears, my lusts, my loves, my inadequacies, my self-believed greatness, delusions, my small yet unshakeable confidence in myself…I find myself coming to the same conclusion

all these things of mine, whether broken or whole, real or imagined, make up me. I am the sum of all of these demons and angels in physical form. I give these things the light of day whether they  deserve them or not because its in that semi-dream state that I know I’m not just going through the motions. That I am alive and on full uncensored display… If for no one but myself.

By giving each of thoughts time to breath, Its the only way I ensure to myself that I didn’t leave anything unsaid.

Goodnight.

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#476: I have anxiety that women will have anxiety about me approaching them.

by johndsykes86

Yeeesh.

Captain Awkward

Comments are now closed on this discussion.

 

<b>Edited To Add</b>: By request, there is a GIANT CONTENT WARNING on this post and the comments. It is not recommended that anyone suffering from anxiety read this post or the comments. Or, really anyone at all. It represents a major, major mistake and unkindness and able-ism on my part. Don’t read it.

I am leaving this answer (& discussion) here – don’t believe in erasing mistakes or pretending they didn’t happen. But putting it behind a cut-tag for sure.  For a better answer to this question, and follow-up from the Letter Writer, go here. For a thread where people with anxiety discuss anxiety, go here. We as a community are trying very hard to come back from this and rectify this mistake, but the scars still exist.

 

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Top 10 Astronomical Events in the World for 2013

by johndsykes86

Rudyard Kipling – Macdonough’s Song

by johndsykes86

Whether the State can loose and bind
   In Heaven as well as on Earth:
If it be wiser to kill mankind
  Before or after the birth--
These are matters of high concern
   Where State-kept schoolmen are;
But Holy State (we have lived to learn)
    Endeth in Holy War.

Whether The People be led by The Lord,
    Or lured by the loudest throat:
If it be quicker to die by the sword
  Or cheaper to die by vote--
These are things we have dealt with once,
  (And they will not rise from their grave)
For Holy People, however it runs,
  Endeth in wholly Slave.

Whatsoever, for any cause,
    Seeketh to take or give
Power above or beyond the Laws,
    Suffer it not to live!
Holy State or Holy King--
   Or Holy People's Will--
Have no truck with the senseless thing.
   Order the guns and kill!
        Saying --after--me:--

Once there was The People--Terror gave it birth;
Once there was The People and it made a Hell of Earth
Earth arose and crushed it. Listen, 0 ye slain!
Once there was The People--it shall never be again!

5 mins of me III

by johndsykes86

I can already tell im going to have a hard time this goaround. A lot of ideas in my head and even trying to record thoughts nowadays just ends up one big mass of aural confusion. I should really stop trying to force the issue and just write whatever. But I always feel like I need to make some point or purpose when I write. Like im writing for an audience that has no idea what they want and nor do I. It’s not as if I’m writing for attention or anything, so why does it matter.

I think i may be the laziest perfectionist to ever exist. Trying to say something just right and end up saying (or writing) nothing at all. 

Accursed fingers and brain. Why cant you things (what do you mean you things?) just work right, damnit. 

And yes, I realize the irony of being able to write this without any prep. You try it sometime.. 

 

Shit, I have 36 seconds left. *smh*